batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
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we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
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Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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