worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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