I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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