i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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