I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
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