i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
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