I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
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