That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
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