he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Randomize