At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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