She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
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I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
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WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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