he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
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Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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