oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
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i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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