What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I queefed so loud it echoed.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
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