If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
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Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
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I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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