yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
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I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
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Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
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