I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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