my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
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sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
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She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
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