The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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