I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize