Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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