Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
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