walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Redeem this text for a blowjob
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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