just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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