Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
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And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
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Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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