Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
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I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
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You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
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