They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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