woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize