I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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