Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
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