just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
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