take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
