There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
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Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
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