you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
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