Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Randomize