I skipped work to stalk him.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize