got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize