You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
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