I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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