the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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