well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
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I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
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Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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