So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize