i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
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