I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize