So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
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