i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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