I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
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I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
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I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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