You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize