I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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