He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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