And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
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