Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
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looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
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The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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